Using DEAR MAN can increase the chances that the other person will do what you want. Let’s go through the acronym letter by letter:
- D: Describe the situation using facts (no opinions or interpretations)
- E: Express your feelings
- A: Assert what you want (make your request or say “no,” depending on the conversation)
- R: Reward the listener or reinforce the relationship (validate where they’re coming from and thank them for listening)
That’s it for DEAR! For the second part of the acronym, MAN, keep scrolling.
To recap, here’s how the acronym “MAN” breaks down:
- M: Mindfulness—stay calm & focused on your goal
- A: Appear confident—make eye contact, relax your shoulders and tone of voice, and try to keep your chin up even if you’re feeling discouraged
- N: Negotiate, if appropriate to the situation—let the other person know what you are willing to do to help them say yes (or accept no), or ask them how they think both of you together can solve this problem
That’s “DEAR MAN,” start to finish. I hope this strategy helps you get what you want! If you have any questions, you’re most welcome to tag me in a Class or Members activity post (@julian) and I will do my best to help.